Give me Dr. John and Tom Waits on repeat, please. I couldn’t name you but maybe one or two of their songs, but I’m in love with the stasis sort of feeling their songs put me in while I’m at work. Once 7:30 or so hits, they calm me down right away. I almost feel like this office doesn’t need a sage cleansing.
Do offices or places of work ever get a sage cleansing, or is that just for people and homes?
Everyone has an opinion. I’m glad for that. I’m appreciative of conversation, as long as it fails to be redundant. I’m peeved when people say they want to be with someone who makes them laugh. Duh. What a waste of a potential-mate-descriptor. We all want someone who makes us laugh or smile. You want to be in a laugh-free relationship?
But back to the bit about conversation. I am thankful for it…and the challenge of it. What a gift to have people in your life who take part in actual dialogues: who challenge me. I am glad to be questioned and poked and prodded…and to be told that I’m thinking too much, or not enough. And I can listen to that, and know that I am still my own person. I know that ultimately I make my own choices, but lord I love a little input here and there.
Hmmm this is unfocused. And perhaps it’s vital to say that right now I am speaking of conversation wherein I am sharing a bit of my life, or asking for a piece of advice.
When I worked at lululemon, we were made to listen to some inspirational cds by a man named Brian Something-or-Other. One of the things he said is that we are the most important people in our lives. It is impossible to care for another more than you care for yourself. And this is fine. This is good. This is not conceited, it’s just the truth. And I like to think of it as a challenge to connect with the true you, and the needs and dreams and whatnot that you have. To let go of the superficial, daily version of yourself. To wake up out of intensive care, and DO something. This is challenging. And I sometimes find great difficulty in trying to juggle this…or rather, apply this…to/with interactions with others. I choose to be an open individual who is sensitive to the dreams and truths and goals of others. I choose to be supportive, but there is an awful lot of work to do and awareness to acheive on my part in order to fulfill this version of myself that I “choose” to be. As someone once said to me, I’m here for love. And although I was hurt by that person, I still believe that statement. His love hurt me. And love is painful. But love is grand. Is it vital? Yes, I think so. But love is wild. Love is an angry beast. One must apply is wisely. Place is wisely. Understand it’s power and the degrees of it. The statement “I’m here for love” is powerful, but it’s incomplete. There is much work to be done. There are so many onion layers to peel back. There is truth.
Today a feeling of utter sadness and numbness swept over me. I really felt myself sitting in this office, and I really felt my age. And I felt time slipping by and dreams waiting unfulfilled. Why are they left undone? Perhaps the dreams have changed. So I haven’t tried hard to acheive them. Because maybe I don’t want them anymore. This is very interesting. Sometimes lack of achievement is marked by fear (as illustrated in “Defending Your Life”) but that is not always the case. I think for me, this is a sign post to re-evaluate…to really listen to my core telling me where to go next. Where? This should be exciting!
I need to keep getting kicked in the pants. I need the gears shaken and stirred and sloshed and slurped. Kick me if you see me, but not in the shins, please.